During times in life when things are tough, when we are being sifted and being tested, if we take steps away from worthwhile challenges simply to make things easier for ourselves or more bearable we have to consider whether or not we've really surrendered our lives for His. In fact, if giving things up that we are doing, doesn't cause us conflict in our hearts, then we should wonder if God called us to it at all.
The things we do should cause us to grow more dependent on Him. We will be sifted. We will be tested. But will we walk away to where things might be easier? Will we hide in fear? Or will we dig in and withstand the tests of our resolve? Will we give our lives to Him every single day, knowing that it might not be easy? Knowing that to lay down our lives for Him it might really cost us everything that we hold dear? Knowing that that idea is not literary rhetoric, but biblical truth?
We can't lean on our own grit and stubborness and expect to make it. We need more power than that; we need more heart than that. So we lean instead on Faith, Truth, and *real* surrender to the infinite God, of infinite power, and infinite heart. The wonderful thing is that on the other side of that surrender is unspeakable joy. On the other side of it, there is sweet LIFE.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Meltdowns in the Fishbowl
Many mistakenly believe that pastor's wives are so grounded in their faith that we have grown physical roots that stretch supernaturally to heaven. But psssssst.... I'm going to tell you a super secret: Pastor's wives have melt downs too. Now, I can't speak for other pastor's wives, but I can tell you what mine look like. They're colorful to say the least.
They involve projectile tears and often bawling to my sister on my cell phone while driving at erratic speeds on the highway. You see, in case you haven't noticed, life is stressful. I'm stressed about my kids, about my work, about my colleagues, about my ministries, about my writing, about my parents, about the laundry, about my cats.
I'm stressed about the fact that I'm supposed to be praying my way through this stuff and not feeling like I'm coming apart at the seams. I think I'm pretty much stressed about all the stuff that women struggle with everyday, everywhere. Well, maybe the cats aren't common to all. To be honest, while the people I love and care about might care about and love me back, they really aren't concerned about all these things that are piling up to make me more than a little crazy.
If we aren't careful we fall back to sleep and we forget the true reality. We accept the illusory reality that stress is really all there is to this life, until we get old and trade stress for boredom. You know, I'm so lucky to have a God who reaches right over to me and makes me turn the radio on right when He has something to say to snap me back to reality. He tenderly reminds me, in the middle of my melt downs, "Hey, I'm bigger than all those things. I've got this."
How blessed am I? That the God of the Universe--the One who put all the pieces together--cares enough about me and my tiny little self-involved world to tell me how big He is? That the mountains bow down and seas will roar at the sound of His name. Mountains bow down? Really? That's exactly what I need. I need my God. When I feel like I might slip under because the current feels like it might be too much, I remember that He is not just throwing me a life ring from shore and hoping I've got enough left in me to catch it. He is the one in charge of the river.
They involve projectile tears and often bawling to my sister on my cell phone while driving at erratic speeds on the highway. You see, in case you haven't noticed, life is stressful. I'm stressed about my kids, about my work, about my colleagues, about my ministries, about my writing, about my parents, about the laundry, about my cats.
I'm stressed about the fact that I'm supposed to be praying my way through this stuff and not feeling like I'm coming apart at the seams. I think I'm pretty much stressed about all the stuff that women struggle with everyday, everywhere. Well, maybe the cats aren't common to all. To be honest, while the people I love and care about might care about and love me back, they really aren't concerned about all these things that are piling up to make me more than a little crazy.
If we aren't careful we fall back to sleep and we forget the true reality. We accept the illusory reality that stress is really all there is to this life, until we get old and trade stress for boredom. You know, I'm so lucky to have a God who reaches right over to me and makes me turn the radio on right when He has something to say to snap me back to reality. He tenderly reminds me, in the middle of my melt downs, "Hey, I'm bigger than all those things. I've got this."
How blessed am I? That the God of the Universe--the One who put all the pieces together--cares enough about me and my tiny little self-involved world to tell me how big He is? That the mountains bow down and seas will roar at the sound of His name. Mountains bow down? Really? That's exactly what I need. I need my God. When I feel like I might slip under because the current feels like it might be too much, I remember that He is not just throwing me a life ring from shore and hoping I've got enough left in me to catch it. He is the one in charge of the river.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Thoughts Too Big for a Fishbowl
Every few years or so my family gets together in one place. This year it was a cabin in the mountains. We are too large and too loud for anyone's sanity to fit inside with all of us, so everyone leaves their's at the door.
We get together and eat Portuguese fried dough and fresh baked cookies. We embrace. We might play some games. We smile. We laugh. We marvel at how nephews have facial hair and how they've grown heads taller than the aunts. We are astounded by how the neices are suddenly too big to climb up into the laps of their mommies.We tell the same stories we've all heard over and over again. We laugh harder at them as we get older.
Somehow in the midst of all the chaos, we are able to peel away the months of time and change from one another and find the precious souls of the ones we love beneath those layers of time apart.
And then there is the leaving...
Leaving my family makes me think thoughts that are too big for my brain, and makes me feel things that are too big for my heart. The big question I always land on when we part? "God, why did you let me splinter my family like this?" It's a question that plagues me every single time I leave.
You see, when I was 18 years old, my parents let me come to Florida on a trip with a friend of mine. Young, dumb, and partying in a new city, were were too young to rent a car, so we decided to try to hitch a ride. My crazy heart fell for a guy here equally young and equally invincible--the kind, gentle-spirited biological father of my daughters--who pulled over to give us young ladies a ride. It was that relationship that made me move to Florida, convincing a sister of mine to move with me. My parents followed soon after--snowbirds at first, but then moving here full time after. I had no idea at that time that I was changing the dynamic of my earthly family forever. But I feel now, the grief that my older and wiser siblings surely felt when I packed up that u-haul, wide-eyed and excited for a life anywhere but there. They knew things would never be the same.
And so each time we part--the tears fall. The good bye hugs always last longer than the hello ones, and my feet always find themselves running across the stones to try to sneak in a last one before we go. Inevitably that question surfaces again, as it does each time. Usually there is no answer, and only in recent years have I been able to draw comfort in the fact that this life is just a blink and that the time we don't have together here will be redeemed in Heaven.
But this time, when I got back home and laid down in my bed, my heart cried out and asked the Lord for an answer, much to my surprise, he gave me one.
"You would never have been mine if I left you there, and I've got work for you to do for Me here."
Every time He speaks to me, the things He says are often so crystal clear but somehow I can't see them. As soon as I processed the words, I realized that they were the obvious truth.
My family is interesting--amazing, supportive, loving. I know if I ever needed a place to go, I could knock on any siblings door and they would welcome me inside. In fact, most of the time we don't even bother to knock. My family woos me into a state of worldly present-ness. I am a different person in their midst--I turn far too much away from the face of God so that I can soak in every moment of what is happening around me. I don't think I have ever really been able to pray or focus on God and eternal things in their presence. They become my security net--in place of the only security that is real for anyone.
But forced out of my comfort zone, Jesus is able to get my attention. I thinks that true for all of us. He is able to speak to us in new ways. He woos us to be His own and to call us to His higher purposes that we might otherwise ignore. People are always asking why God allows for sorrow and for suffering, and sometimes I think it's because when our hearts are really hurting, that's when we are finally paying attention. Anyone who has experienced deep sadness or grief knows that it feels like a physical breaking of the heart. But be encouraged. It's through those very cracks that God's love is able to flow freely in.
We get together and eat Portuguese fried dough and fresh baked cookies. We embrace. We might play some games. We smile. We laugh. We marvel at how nephews have facial hair and how they've grown heads taller than the aunts. We are astounded by how the neices are suddenly too big to climb up into the laps of their mommies.We tell the same stories we've all heard over and over again. We laugh harder at them as we get older.
Somehow in the midst of all the chaos, we are able to peel away the months of time and change from one another and find the precious souls of the ones we love beneath those layers of time apart.
And then there is the leaving...
Leaving my family makes me think thoughts that are too big for my brain, and makes me feel things that are too big for my heart. The big question I always land on when we part? "God, why did you let me splinter my family like this?" It's a question that plagues me every single time I leave.
You see, when I was 18 years old, my parents let me come to Florida on a trip with a friend of mine. Young, dumb, and partying in a new city, were were too young to rent a car, so we decided to try to hitch a ride. My crazy heart fell for a guy here equally young and equally invincible--the kind, gentle-spirited biological father of my daughters--who pulled over to give us young ladies a ride. It was that relationship that made me move to Florida, convincing a sister of mine to move with me. My parents followed soon after--snowbirds at first, but then moving here full time after. I had no idea at that time that I was changing the dynamic of my earthly family forever. But I feel now, the grief that my older and wiser siblings surely felt when I packed up that u-haul, wide-eyed and excited for a life anywhere but there. They knew things would never be the same.
And so each time we part--the tears fall. The good bye hugs always last longer than the hello ones, and my feet always find themselves running across the stones to try to sneak in a last one before we go. Inevitably that question surfaces again, as it does each time. Usually there is no answer, and only in recent years have I been able to draw comfort in the fact that this life is just a blink and that the time we don't have together here will be redeemed in Heaven.
But this time, when I got back home and laid down in my bed, my heart cried out and asked the Lord for an answer, much to my surprise, he gave me one.
"You would never have been mine if I left you there, and I've got work for you to do for Me here."
Every time He speaks to me, the things He says are often so crystal clear but somehow I can't see them. As soon as I processed the words, I realized that they were the obvious truth.
My family is interesting--amazing, supportive, loving. I know if I ever needed a place to go, I could knock on any siblings door and they would welcome me inside. In fact, most of the time we don't even bother to knock. My family woos me into a state of worldly present-ness. I am a different person in their midst--I turn far too much away from the face of God so that I can soak in every moment of what is happening around me. I don't think I have ever really been able to pray or focus on God and eternal things in their presence. They become my security net--in place of the only security that is real for anyone.
But forced out of my comfort zone, Jesus is able to get my attention. I thinks that true for all of us. He is able to speak to us in new ways. He woos us to be His own and to call us to His higher purposes that we might otherwise ignore. People are always asking why God allows for sorrow and for suffering, and sometimes I think it's because when our hearts are really hurting, that's when we are finally paying attention. Anyone who has experienced deep sadness or grief knows that it feels like a physical breaking of the heart. But be encouraged. It's through those very cracks that God's love is able to flow freely in.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Epiphanies in the Fishbowl
God hit me with two salvation messages yesterday... AND then with the same scripture again this morning in devotional time. Sometimes He does that to us... comes at us with a holistic approach--we hear the same message from all different directions. Here is a tip: If this happens to you--PAY ATTENTION. There is no 'coincidence' involved. God's trying to get a message into your heart NOT only into your head.
I wondered at first--why am I hearing this? I'm saved by grace--through faith. I know nothing I can do will add to the work Jesus did on my behalf. So why God, are you giving me this message again? And again? And again? Hold that thought...
I probably don't seem like the angry type, and I am really not. I really don't get angry very often--and I don't get angry about insignificant things. It takes a LOT for me to feel wounded enough to be really mad at someone. But I'll let you in on a little secret--there is a very dark side to We-of-Little-Anger... we know how to hold a grudge like a baby monkey knows how to hold onto it's momma's back. It's an area of weakness that I struggle with; in the past, if I were wounded enough I would simply amputate relationships. It didn't matter if I were the one swinging the axe to cause the wounds. (**insert Pride sidebar here at a later date**)
Something happened to me yesterday--a revelation of sorts. I walked into worship last night so mad that if lasers were coming out my eyeballs I would have anhilated hundreds of people and burnt a church to the ground. And then... the sweet sound of music... worship begins... the lyric? "I hear the savior say, thy strength indeed is small. Child of weakness, watch and pray, Find in me thine all." My first thought? 'That is so true! My strength is so small! But that's why I am here--because I've got nothing left. I'm so mad right now that... just... grah! And I can't do this without you, Lord! If I try to, it won't be pretty.' And that is a fact. Without Jesus--I AM A MESS. I'm a selfish, promiscuous, self-destructive addict. Period.
So grab that holding thought about the salvation messages back into your mind, because the hammer fell on the next lyric, "Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow." Indeed. He did. And Ohh!
Here was my second thought: 'It's not about me again is it Lord? The same blood that set me free and makes me 'right' with God so I can come to you for renewal when I am struggling like I am right now, is the same blood that forgave such-and-such for what-and-what.' Hmmm.
So I am saved by Him and the act on the cross which makes me able to come to Him for repreive when I am so angry because I've been hurt. The irony?
The thing that person did to me that hurt my feelings so desperately? Jesus died for that too--and He has already forgiven them. We are white as snow and so are our offenders and persecutors should they choose to accept His sacrifice on their behalf.
The MOST beautiful part? Not only are we saved, each as indivduals, but when we view our counterparts in relationships as being 'white as snow' in the eyes of God, our relationships also experience salvation.*insert flashing light bulb here* The need to cut off relationships becomes a deeper need for God and a deeper dependence on Jesus for how he reconciled us to himself.
I guess I write about this for a few reasons. One--I realize more and more every day how EVERY aspect of my life that is highlighted by struggle is just another area of my life where God is creating discomfort as a catalyst for deeper dependence on Him. Two--I am still a work in progress. My dependence on Him deepens daily. Three--I am begining to wonder if forgiveness is something we can even give to anyone. The idea that we forgive someone implies that we are in a position to judge someone as one way or another--which none of us is. We need only to realize that God, who IS able to forgive, has already done it for us. There is a freedom in that that transcends words. What is impossible--becomes effortless.
And with that--my brain is now empty. Have a great day... :)
I wondered at first--why am I hearing this? I'm saved by grace--through faith. I know nothing I can do will add to the work Jesus did on my behalf. So why God, are you giving me this message again? And again? And again? Hold that thought...
I probably don't seem like the angry type, and I am really not. I really don't get angry very often--and I don't get angry about insignificant things. It takes a LOT for me to feel wounded enough to be really mad at someone. But I'll let you in on a little secret--there is a very dark side to We-of-Little-Anger... we know how to hold a grudge like a baby monkey knows how to hold onto it's momma's back. It's an area of weakness that I struggle with; in the past, if I were wounded enough I would simply amputate relationships. It didn't matter if I were the one swinging the axe to cause the wounds. (**insert Pride sidebar here at a later date**)
Something happened to me yesterday--a revelation of sorts. I walked into worship last night so mad that if lasers were coming out my eyeballs I would have anhilated hundreds of people and burnt a church to the ground. And then... the sweet sound of music... worship begins... the lyric? "I hear the savior say, thy strength indeed is small. Child of weakness, watch and pray, Find in me thine all." My first thought? 'That is so true! My strength is so small! But that's why I am here--because I've got nothing left. I'm so mad right now that... just... grah! And I can't do this without you, Lord! If I try to, it won't be pretty.' And that is a fact. Without Jesus--I AM A MESS. I'm a selfish, promiscuous, self-destructive addict. Period.
So grab that holding thought about the salvation messages back into your mind, because the hammer fell on the next lyric, "Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow." Indeed. He did. And Ohh!
Here was my second thought: 'It's not about me again is it Lord? The same blood that set me free and makes me 'right' with God so I can come to you for renewal when I am struggling like I am right now, is the same blood that forgave such-and-such for what-and-what.' Hmmm.
So I am saved by Him and the act on the cross which makes me able to come to Him for repreive when I am so angry because I've been hurt. The irony?
The thing that person did to me that hurt my feelings so desperately? Jesus died for that too--and He has already forgiven them. We are white as snow and so are our offenders and persecutors should they choose to accept His sacrifice on their behalf.
The MOST beautiful part? Not only are we saved, each as indivduals, but when we view our counterparts in relationships as being 'white as snow' in the eyes of God, our relationships also experience salvation.*insert flashing light bulb here* The need to cut off relationships becomes a deeper need for God and a deeper dependence on Jesus for how he reconciled us to himself.
I guess I write about this for a few reasons. One--I realize more and more every day how EVERY aspect of my life that is highlighted by struggle is just another area of my life where God is creating discomfort as a catalyst for deeper dependence on Him. Two--I am still a work in progress. My dependence on Him deepens daily. Three--I am begining to wonder if forgiveness is something we can even give to anyone. The idea that we forgive someone implies that we are in a position to judge someone as one way or another--which none of us is. We need only to realize that God, who IS able to forgive, has already done it for us. There is a freedom in that that transcends words. What is impossible--becomes effortless.
And with that--my brain is now empty. Have a great day... :)
Friday, October 30, 2009
Eleven ?? from Eve
So I have this idea for a book... In a series of letters from 'the' Eve to all those out there preparing for marriage, she strives to help them wade through all of the issues that women deal with as they prepare for marriage in this complex world of values and expectations. She writes about things like headship, sex, family, friends, and 7 other things I have scribbled down somehwere. What do you think?
I haven't started working on it because I STILL have not finished editing the first draft of my current project which is in draft format--Fighting Nature. I missed my goal for sending queries out on it this fall. *sigh* One day though!
Here is my thought for the day (and you can only fairly expect one out of me on any given day):
If we do what God designed us to love to do, we live lives often feeling fulfilled and deeply satisfied.
If we do what God designed us to love to do AND do it according to His purposes and plans (rather than our own), not only do we feel fulfilled and satisfied very often, but we also feel a deep sense of peace, purpose, humility, and value.
HAVE AN AWESOME DAY!
I haven't started working on it because I STILL have not finished editing the first draft of my current project which is in draft format--Fighting Nature. I missed my goal for sending queries out on it this fall. *sigh* One day though!
Here is my thought for the day (and you can only fairly expect one out of me on any given day):
If we do what God designed us to love to do, we live lives often feeling fulfilled and deeply satisfied.
If we do what God designed us to love to do AND do it according to His purposes and plans (rather than our own), not only do we feel fulfilled and satisfied very often, but we also feel a deep sense of peace, purpose, humility, and value.
HAVE AN AWESOME DAY!
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