Epiphanies in the Fishbowl

God hit me with two salvation messages yesterday... AND then with the same scripture again this morning in devotional time. Sometimes He does that to us... comes at us with a holistic approach--we hear the same message from all different directions. Here is a tip: If this happens to you--PAY ATTENTION. There is no 'coincidence' involved. God's trying to get a message into your heart NOT only into your head.

I wondered at first--why am I hearing this? I'm saved by grace--through faith. I know nothing I can do will add to the work Jesus did on my behalf. So why God, are you giving me this message again? And again? And again? Hold that thought...

I probably don't seem like the angry type, and I am really not. I really don't get angry very often--and I don't get angry about insignificant things. It takes a LOT for me to feel wounded enough to be really mad at someone. But I'll let you in on a little secret--there is a very dark side to We-of-Little-Anger... we know how to hold a grudge like a baby monkey knows how to hold onto it's momma's back. It's an area of weakness that I struggle with; in the past, if I were wounded enough I would simply amputate relationships. It didn't matter if I were the one swinging the axe to cause the wounds. (**insert Pride sidebar here at a later date**)

Something happened to me yesterday--a revelation of sorts. I walked into worship last night so mad that if lasers were coming out my eyeballs I would have anhilated hundreds of people and burnt a church to the ground. And then... the sweet sound of music... worship begins... the lyric? "I hear the savior say, thy strength indeed is small. Child of weakness, watch and pray, Find in me thine all." My first thought? 'That is so true! My strength is so small! But that's why I am here--because I've got nothing left. I'm so mad right now that... just... grah! And I can't do this without you, Lord! If I try to, it won't be pretty.' And that is a fact. Without Jesus--I AM A MESS. I'm a selfish, promiscuous, self-destructive addict. Period.

So grab that holding thought about the salvation messages back into your mind, because the hammer fell on the next lyric, "Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow." Indeed. He did. And Ohh!

Here was my second thought: 'It's not about me again is it Lord? The same blood that set me free and makes me 'right' with God so I can come to you for renewal when I am struggling like I am right now, is the same blood that forgave such-and-such for what-and-what.' Hmmm.

So I am saved by Him and the act on the cross which makes me able to come to Him for repreive when I am so angry because I've been hurt. The irony?
The thing that person did to me that hurt my feelings so desperately? Jesus died for that too--and He has already forgiven them. We are white as snow and so are our offenders and persecutors should they choose to accept His sacrifice on their behalf.

The MOST beautiful part? Not only are we saved, each as indivduals, but when we view our counterparts in relationships as being 'white as snow' in the eyes of God, our relationships also experience salvation.*insert flashing light bulb here* The need to cut off relationships becomes a deeper need for God and a deeper dependence on Jesus for how he reconciled us to himself.

I guess I write about this for a few reasons. One--I realize more and more every day how EVERY aspect of my life that is highlighted by struggle is just another area of my life where God is creating discomfort as a catalyst for deeper dependence on Him. Two--I am still a work in progress. My dependence on Him deepens daily. Three--I am begining to wonder if forgiveness is something we can even give to anyone. The idea that we forgive someone implies that we are in a position to judge someone as one way or another--which none of us is. We need only to realize that God, who IS able to forgive, has already done it for us. There is a freedom in that that transcends words. What is impossible--becomes effortless.

And with that--my brain is now empty. Have a great day... :)